It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everyday seemed so restless and gloomy. He called and said he was coming up. It was the third time he came up to see me that week. I carried his excuse of why he came all the way here and went to meet him at the nearby seven-eleven. He was standing there alone, carrying his green umbrella. His friend had dropped him off. It was raining and he was shivering. He looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain, wearing not enough to keep him warm.
I walked up to him and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
He said, "I miss you."
I told him coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
He did not open up his umbrella, I knew he wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, he opened up his umbrella and walked with me to the car. He said he hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, he asked me to take him to the train station, he said he would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and bags who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, he looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what he meant. I understand how he must have felt when he came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treated him like this. With hus soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let him stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to him coldly, "Let's go try waiting for a cab."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only guy of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After he graduated, he went back home and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see him on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. He was in front of me and I was right behind him. His umbrella had a broken spoke. He looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying his rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, he was too deep in thoughts and drifted off the road. He almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take him in my arms, but with the love I had for him and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we used to always go.
He begged and said, "Lets go in the park for just a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
My cold heart softened at his pleas, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked into the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. He went to the big mango tree and he was looking for something. I knew he was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago.
If I remember it right, it said,
"Chris and John was here,
Chris had tea and John was drinking hot chocolate.
Hope Chris and John would always remember this day,
always loving each other, forever."
He was looking around for quite a while, then he came back slowly with tears on his face.
He said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before.
But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, while he simply stood there, not wanting to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance.
He said, "You made up the story of you and that other guy didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, looked down and shook my head. After which, we just kept on walking towards the street to wait for a cab without saying a single word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially John, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. John was still young, he shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to him. It was a cruel thing to do and it broke his heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years of feelings. I didn't have much time because I would soon start to loose hair and he would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding. This drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The rain had stopped pouring so I called a taxi for him. We were just standing there waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi arriving from a distance.
I held my tears and said to him, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
He didn't talk but simply nodded lightly and then opened up his misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one green, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for him and he got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from him forever. I stood by the car, staring into the dark window at the first and last love in my life, walking out of my life. The car took off into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twisted lies in my heart any longer. I waved my arms rapidly and chased after the taxi, because I knew this would be the last time I see him. I wanted to tell him I still love him. I wanted to tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him so much. However, the taxi had already turned into the corner. Warm tears streamed down my face, blended together with the cold raindrops. I was cold not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
He left, and I didn't get anymore of his phone calls even until today. I know he didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that guy John, using my memory and his diary I found one year after he left, writing down these last words.
I walked up to him and said, "You shouldn't come see me anymore," and stuff like how we shouldn't be together.
He said, "I miss you."
I told him coldly, "Lets go, I'll take you home."
He did not open up his umbrella, I knew he wanted to share mine.
I said, "Open up your umbrella, let's go."
Unwillingly, he opened up his umbrella and walked with me to the car. He said he hadn't eat lunch or dinner and asked if we could stop at some place to eat.
Right away I answered with a stoned heart, "No!"
Disappointed, he asked me to take him to the train station, he said he would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the trains were full of people with umbrellas and bags who were eager to get home, not caring about who just passed by. We waited and waited, he looked at me innocently. Being together for so long, of course I knew what he meant. I understand how he must have felt when he came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treated him like this. With hus soft eyes staring at me, I felt guilt and wanted to let him stay for the night.
But reality struck again, I said to him coldly, "Let's go try waiting for a cab."
We were living in the same apartment building, on the same floor. Back then there were four of us, and we got along well. We would always eat dinner together, watch movies, and sometimes go camping. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with the only guy of the four. Maybe it was during the last year of college, having lived together for two years, we developed deep feelings for each other. After he graduated, he went back home and I stayed for one more year to finish school. During that year I was only able to take the train down to see him on holidays, but never for long. That was how we kept the treasured relationship.
We were walking along the side of the road. He was in front of me and I was right behind him. His umbrella had a broken spoke. He looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying his rusted rifle walking weakly. Many times, he was too deep in thoughts and drifted off the road. He almost got hit by the cars passing by. I wanted to just take him in my arms, but with the love I had for him and the constant pain in my stomach, I did nothing. On the way, we passed by the park where we used to always go.
He begged and said, "Lets go in the park for just a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this."
My cold heart softened at his pleas, but I still put up an annoyed face and walked into the park. I was just sitting on the benches looking like I wanted to leave. He went to the big mango tree and he was looking for something. I knew he was looking for what we wrote on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago.
If I remember it right, it said,
"Chris and John was here,
Chris had tea and John was drinking hot chocolate.
Hope Chris and John would always remember this day,
always loving each other, forever."
He was looking around for quite a while, then he came back slowly with tears on his face.
He said, "Chris, I can't find it, it's not there anymore."
I felt so sour inside, there was a stream of pain flowing into my heart, the kind of pain I've never felt before.
But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?"
I opened up my big black umbrella, while he simply stood there, not wanting to leave yet, hoping there was still a chance.
He said, "You made up the story of you and that other guy didn't you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I'll change, can't we start over?"
I didn't say a word, looked down and shook my head. After which, we just kept on walking towards the street to wait for a cab without saying a single word to each other.
Four years ago, the doctor said I had cancer, but it was found early, so it was still curable. Thinking that it was okay, I started living my normal life again and even forgot about the cancer. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, my stomach was hurting for two weeks straight, and the nightmare awakened. First I thought the pain would go away, but it grew stronger until it came to the point that I couldn't take it anymore. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The picture came out and there was a big black spot which proved the truth that I did not want to believe. I was at the most glittering part of my life but it was coming to an end. I wanted myself and the people around me to go through the least pain possible, so I decided to commit suicide. But I couldn't let people find out about my intentions, especially John, the person I love the most in this whole world, who still doesn't know about the truth. John was still young, he shouldn't have to go through this. So I made up some stories and lied to him. It was a cruel thing to do and it broke his heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out three years of feelings. I didn't have much time because I would soon start to loose hair and he would find out eventually. But now I'm close to succeeding. This drama would soon be over. Thirty minutes more this would all come to an end, that was what I had in mind.
The rain had stopped pouring so I called a taxi for him. We were just standing there waiting, loosing our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi arriving from a distance.
I held my tears and said to him, "Take care of yourself, take good care of yourself."
He didn't talk but simply nodded lightly and then opened up his misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the street. Out in the rain, we became two single life forms, one green, one black, so far away from each other. I opened the door for him and he got in, then I close the gate that would separate me from him forever. I stood by the car, staring into the dark window at the first and last love in my life, walking out of my life. The car took off into the street. Finally I couldn't hold my sorrow and the twisted lies in my heart any longer. I waved my arms rapidly and chased after the taxi, because I knew this would be the last time I see him. I wanted to tell him I still love him. I wanted to tell him to stay. I wanted to tell him so much. However, the taxi had already turned into the corner. Warm tears streamed down my face, blended together with the cold raindrops. I was cold not because of the rain. I was cold inside.
He left, and I didn't get anymore of his phone calls even until today. I know he didn't see my tears, because they were washed away by the rain. I left without regrets. But I'm not Chris, I'm that guy John, using my memory and his diary I found one year after he left, writing down these last words.
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